These are Time Loop Stories in Two Sentences.
They’re Already Written, But Maybe Not Yet, Or Maybe So.
An Uncertain Number of Self-Propagating Time Loop Stories in Two Sentences. Get it?
Writing – I’m going to write a story about a time loop. I’m going to write a story about a time loop.
Button, Button – I pushed the start button to begin the transformation of matter to energy, which could then be converted to quantum particles, then to sub-quantum strings, which could coexist harmonically with other strands of matter, thus crossing all barriers of existence, especially time. Little did I know that the universe is not made of many strings, but only one, twisting, crossing over, and convoluting upon itself, as it snakes throughout all creation to finally return to its own point of origin, me, which is where I, compelled again, must now push the button again, to repeat the process all over again, again, because I can’t get out of this loop.
Deep Focus – Though not actually able to travel through time, as yet, the devoted scientists of the Intergalactic Cooperative Consortium of Interspatial Specialization have created a magnificent, digitally enhanced, telescopically similar, photo-gamma-optical device called Deep Focus, which can see along the entire curvature of the continuum of space. While it will take hundreds of billions of years for light to travel, circling all the way around the surface of the bubble of the universe from point alpha and back to point omega, which is ‘alpha’ renamed because it’s the end instead of the beginning, the scientists are still anxious for the results, the first successful breakthrough: to be able to look east and see themselves from the west still looking east; and if they can successfully focus on the aperture of the eyepiece, in only a few more hundreds of billions of years, an optical loop will form, and they’ll be able to see themselves several times, which will really be a treat. [Bonus sentence to honor Douglas Adams : “How many hundreds of billions of years?” “42.”]
5555 – The year 5555 finds woman and man have survived and are just as active and creative as ever; and nowhere is this exemplified more that at the Gaze Bar, located midway between the galaxies, Andromeda and Milky Way, where university students have pilfered two time-discs, just for fun, and entertain themselves by placing disc 1 at the left end of the long bar, disc 2 at the right end, then egged on by cohorts, the pranking student will blow his beer foam into portal 1, where it traverses almost uncountable distances and existences to finally though immediately exit from portal 2 where it will strike the nearby pranked student in the side of the face, which is good for a laugh every time, even though the usual result involves some sort of tussle between the students, and their drunken attempts to discharge molecular disassembly beams, harmless though aggravating, from what is commonly called A Weapon of Mass Distraction. One clever student has found a way to get around the threat of violence by skewing the dilation of time so that the beer foam exits portal 2 multiple times and a few seconds before he blows several foam heads into portal 1, offering the appearance that he is completely innocent, even while the victim, dripping from the first hit, then hit again, then hit again, can observe nothing more than the instigator simply sitting still and smiling.
Still Here – I spent the better part of my life perfecting a device that allows me to see into the future to the instant of my death, so that I might create and initiate a plan of action to divert my life-path around that fatal moment. After years of ‘initiating’, and once again previewing the forecast, I see that while nothing significant has changed concerning my demise, which has been expected any second now, it’s good to report that I’m……………………………… still here, therefore my plan must’ve worked, because I am not de
Parsec-imonious Protothal – The discovery that galactic magnetic lines of force can be surfed, by a space ship, faster than light-speed – like instant warped warp drive –, caused the Intergalactic Cooperative Consortium of Interspatial Specialization to set up a new department, the Thompson Maxwell Faraday Electrostatic Magnetic Line-of-Force Tube-Surfing for Inter-Galactic and Omni-Universe Travel Department, the acronym of which was TMFEMLFTSIGOUTD; and ever budget-minded, the Consortium chose for its chief of operations my boss, a man possessed of the reputation for being parsimonious to the extreme, though a little dense – well, a lot dense – who after considering the enormity of the possibilities at humanity’s fingertips, made his first task the descrambling of TMFEMLFTSIGOUTD into a more pronounceable icon, settling on MUFTTD-TIME-FLOGS, but upon the letting of the contract for the hand carved granite sign which would adorn his new building, and to help divert money from sign cost to personal bathroom upgrades, by reducing the number of letters, and because he was dense, and refusing our suggestion of GOTIME, simply shortened the department name to GUM. Nothing could illustrate his near-Neanderthal denseness more than his misconception that: 1. a parsec is a unit of time rather than a method of measurement, which he based on the educational experience of watching Star Wars when Han Solo made the Kessel Run in under 12 parsecs; and 2. the unfathomable obtusity in his belief that: 2A. hitching a ride inside a magnetic line-of-force tube emanating from the galaxy’s black hole core would not be fatal at the halfway point, which to his credit he actually figured out how to survive; and 2B. that the final destination of the trip, lasting only seconds, would begin at Earth, traverse halfway across the Milky Way, through the central black hole, and back to bring him exactly to his starting point; about which we said nothing knowing that in the five seconds of his travel time the earth, dragged by the Sun, would move more than six thousand miles while he was gone; so, when he returned, anyone with a telescope could watch his craft fly by, captured inside the invisible electrostatic tube, just missing his only chance to come home; and though we initially heard his radio calls for rescue, we switched off the com-system, our case being that his miss was as good as our smile; in addition to which, his failure led to the popular rebranding of GUM to Galactic Universal Miss.
BEEESSIIDE – A time loop story with almost no sentences at all
Journal Entry – Day 1 : Initiated Travel Sequence / Body structure reduced to ultra-sub-quantum state / Beamed into magnetic lines of force emanating from galaxy core / fully conscious, disembodied plasma particles surfed without vessel and suit-free along electrostatic tube to and through black hole at said core / total trip time – five seconds / returnedd
Journal Entry – Day 2 : Suspicious of return-target alignment issue / repeat day one sequence / rreturnedd
Journal Entry – Day 3 : Vverifying retuurn-tarrget allignnment iissue / rrepeat day one ssequence / rreturnedd
Journal Entry – Day 4 : rrepeeateed / reeturnned / Hyyypooothesiiiis : Staaart poinntt annnd ennd poinntt nexuuusss nnott the saaaame
Journal Entry – Day 5 : Connffirmmed rreturn-ttargett alllllignment issssue / Results : fforrmming coonjooinned mmuultiiple duupliicattes of seelllf iiin saaammme boodyyy / Connncluuusssionnn : I ammmm beeeesssside myyyyysssselllffff!
Me@WebTeleport.com/*.* – I completed a successful program to convert all the complexities of human anatomy, mentality, memories – everything – into simple short codes which can be emailed to any internet address, even post-pending “/*.*” to address all sub-folders where backup copies could be stored; but exhausted from long hours, and overanxious to test my creation, and celebrating my brilliance too soon, I pressed ‘enter’ to send myself to a specific address which would auto-forward to a second address which would auto-forward back to my computer, intending to stop there. However, too concerned with the backup copies, my fatigue-clouded mind allowed an unbelievably basic error when I typed the address *@*.*/*.*, which has sent me to every email address and sub-folder everywhere, many times and still counting, meaning I’m in your system right now, so please HELP!!!!
“Go ahead and push any button at all, because the machine’s not ready to time-travel……….Uh-oh!”
By Andy Bozeman 7-31-16
It was discovered by the Intergalactic Cooperative Consortium of Interspatial Specialization, that when a light emitting object (LEO), such as a star, is moving through space, and that star passes by another object which blocks the LEO’s light, thus causing a shadow on the opposite side of the second object, regardless of the speed of the LEO, as it travels through space, the speed of the cast shadow is exponentially faster than the LEO, and in addition, the farther the shadow is cast from the LEO the faster the shadow, thus easily exceeding light-speed with no physics involved; and, most importantly, the very slight temperature differential on either side of the shadow creates a quantum-ultra-intra-photonic-particle-wave (QUIPPW, but the ‘W’ is silent), which can be surfed exactly like a surf board on an ocean wave, therefore creating a surfable-quantum-ultra-intra-photonic-particle-wave (SQUIPPW, but the ‘W’ is still silent), which could be travelled really fast, and save a lot of time; the only requirement being to build a space ship capable of, first, detecting the shadow-wave, and, second, navigating along the precise sweet-spot on the edge of the quantum-particle temperature-differential wave, which, of course, was the easy part. As it turned out the hard part, after the loss of several very costly expeditions SQUIPPWing across countless parsecs of the universe for uncountable eons, was not, “How do we turn around to go home?”, but instead, “What happens when the star burns out and stops casting a shadow?”, which probably should have been asked much earlier in order to avoid ironically wasting a lot of time in an unintended state of ex-LEO SQUIPPWlessness.
Move On Muon
By Andy Bozeman 12-28-16
The Intergalactic Cooperative Consortium of Interspatial Specialization, this time involved in less of a discovery and more of a realization, had it to dawn upon their collective minds, though no one knows whose mind dawned first, that if a physical body, such as a spacecraft, could be endowed with the characteristics of matter of any flavor of neutrino, whether electron n.; lepton n; or tau muon n., then that spacecraft would be rendered nearly massless, thus able to speedily zip through space-time at almost the speed of light; and in addition, if that spacecraft could be equipped with technology for SQUIPPWing (surfable-quantum-ultra-intra-photonic-particle-wave – SQUIPPW, but the ‘W’ is still silent), then the spacecraft could, at beyond unimaginable speeds, ride the temperature-differential-gravity-wave created in the shadow of any luminous body passing any other body, luminous or not; the construction of all of which turned out to be the easy part. The hard part, which dawned too late – and no one cares whose mind dawned first – was the second realization that a spacecraft with the characteristic mass of a neutrino – said neutrino being able to pass through any matter, unimpeded – would be unable to physically interact with its landing destination, instead passing through it, over, and over, and over because that’s what neutrinos do.
Great Sucking War
By Andy Bozeman 02-12-17
Well, folks, they’ve done it again; ‘they’ being The Intergalactic Cooperative Consortium of Interspatial Specialization; ‘it’ being a uniquely useful (even for ICCIS) invention, a humble device for housekeeping, The Interstellar Hand-Held Household Vacuum, which based on quantum black hole physics, simply inhales all homey debris into a short nozzle, coverts it to less-than-zero-mass particles, then directs said un-matter into the self-contained black hole in the base of the unit, after which the same mass of masslessness is transcended through space-time, never to be seen again; but the cool part is there’s no bag to empty. However, too late it was realized that when stuff leaves the Interstellar Volume Altering Cumulative Upsucking Unmassing Machine (for which one would expect the brand name to be iVACUUM, but was deemed too technical a name and so to sell it the name was changed to iSUCK, which worked, of course), it doesn’t stay gone, but is jettisoned into another part of the universe, in this case through a pulsar orbited by a planet inhabited by a race of beings far more advanced than ICCIS, and when it comes to being constantly dusted-upon by non-local trash, they don’t care for it, so now they’ve declared war. -A
Crunchy Frosted Wormholes
“We Can Feed the Galaxy!,” at least that’s what the special bulletin that was released by the Intergalactic Cooperative Consortium of Interspatial Specialization said; and because it was written in the most credible of all fonts, Galactic Group Times, it made it hard to ignore, especially since it promised to relieve all hunger everywhere with just one simple menu item, Crunchy Frosted Wormholes, which were not only crunchy and sugary sweet, as promised, but each morsel contained the single most astonishing scientific wonder in the known universe, a microscopic wormhole, which on being activated by chewing, automatically created a connection through the fabric of space-time, instantly engaging itself through a Teensy-Tinsy Tubular Tendril with the Celestial Central Cookery, managed by the Intergalactic Cooperative Consortium of Interspatial Specialization, where, after verification of the DNA of the eater’s saliva, and successfully associating it with a certified proof of purchase code, the full culinary production of the CCC was connected to the TTTT, which began the transfer through each TTTT of the entire CCC menu of a proper seven course meal in the proper order, which was delivered, through the wormhole, directly into the mouth of the chewer, there to be enjoyed, causing the eater to not only be fed, which was the primary goal, but to also feel completely filled, and satisfied; which is exactly what was accomplished just before two things were realized: 1. There were too many wormholes in the eaters mouth at once, each with its own CCC/TTTT link – one would have been enough – which triggered, by simple swallowing, the introduction of many wormholes into the gastrointestinal tracts of myriad numbers of customers, and leading, as you can imagine, to the physiological response which came to be known as the Great Celestial Vomiting, which still hasn’t ended because space-time is endless; and 2. No one had thought to add an off switch to close the TTTT after a safe and sufficient amount of feeding had occurred, causing the continuous, never-ending materialization of vast quantities of food, delicious though it may be, directly inside the stomach of every eater, no chewing needed, ever again. This proves the adage that big things do come in small packages, over and over, and over….. -AB
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