I saw this on Facebook : Warning All Facebook accounts are being hacked and cloned. To avoid this you must stand naked on your kitchen table singing I WILL SURVIVE, while doing the Macarena. Only then will Mark Zukerberg travel down your chimney on a golden unicorn and present you with a blue token to protect your account. Now, send this to everyone on your contacts list, otherwise goblins will wee in your fridge. I'm so glad I saw it. Here's my report: Naked: check; kitchen table: … [Read more...]
Watchtower Star
A good king ruled a peaceful and prosperous nation. The king kept a bright fire burning in a tall watchtower, at a corner of his castle, as a sign to everyone that he was a great and powerful sovereign. Soldiers were charged with keeping the fire stoked, using, as fuel, timber from across the king’s domain. The radiance of the tower flame was so bright it could be seen for many miles in the day, and many more at night. The people regarded it as the Watchtower Star. Of all the treasures the king … [Read more...]
Too Personal, Yet Olympic!
There's something I can do which has never been on my bucket list. In fact I never thought I had the ability - we're talkin' greatness. It didn't become an apparent talent until I was sixty years old. So I must ask the question: Why isn't snoring an Olympic event? At least then I could justify my talent. … [Read more...]
FUNERAL BLESSING
This comes from my short story in progress, Divinae Bovinae. The ex-husband outlived his unfaithful wife and all her illicit lovers. At her funeral the minister asked if anyone could offer a few words of cheer about her, not mournful, but more like a blessing. This stumped all those in the chapel who had already put on their ‘sad’ faces. After a few moments of restless silence, the ex husband stood and approached the podium. He offered this: “You and I married Then got a divorce, ‘Cause me, … [Read more...]
Storey Story
I write stuff. Each piece of stuff is a story. I also design houses. Each house has at least one storey. I distinguish the two with the ‘e’ after the ‘r.’ This is the standard spelling in every English speaking country except America. A ‘storey’ is defined as any level of a building (upper or lower level) which is flat (level) and can be used for living and working space. An article written about a level in a building where stuff is written: and in that building the lower level leans, but the … [Read more...]
Whether Weather
Whether Weather Whether weather’s hot, Whether weather’s rainly, Whether weather’s freezing cold, and very snowy, mainly, Whether weather’s calling for a downy, feather bed, Whether weather’s sweater weather, Weather’s weather’s all I’ve said. … [Read more...]
Mean Ol’ Uncle John
I should’ve written this forty years ago, because that’s when I thought of it. Anyway, it’s here, now. One of my family members was Uncle John. Uncle John raised four boys. Their ages ranged from the same as mine to a decade older. I liked all the boys, but I did not like Uncle John. He was too strict. This opinion first sparked into existence when I was about six years old, and overheard an exchange between my same-age cousin, and his father, Uncle John. My cousin asked for a cookie for … [Read more...]
Optimism of Age
In a matter of months my mother will celebrate her 100th birthday. A recent visitor asked, "Mrs. Bozeman, you're almost a hundred. Do you feel old?" With no hesitation my mother answered, "Not really...after all it's just my first hundred." … [Read more...]
Distracted Driving – Hidden Building Cost – No Recovery
This article is on loan from HomeBuildingStepByStep.com. SETTING - It’s a dark and stormy night. A lull in the storm offers a chance for a man (his real name is Husband) to leave the sprawling building, where his office is located; and from which he is the last of the day-shift to exit. In front of the sprawling building is a more sprawling parking lot, now empty except for his car. The vast pavement is punctuated by one tall light pole. From the top of the pole a single high-lumen … [Read more...]
Three Tu’s
[dropcap]S[/dropcap]ixth grade. 1965. School Superintendent Mr. McNeil visited the classroom as part of his routine inspection of county schools. He was amiable enough, and offered a good-natured challenge to the class. It's written here, phonetically. He said, "Boys and girls, how would you write this sentence, 'There are three tu's in the English language." .....Flash forward fifty-one years. As you can tell, I never forgot that challenge. Neither have I ever cracked it. But, early this … [Read more...]
Recipe : Make A Good Bavarian Crème
I was on a local talk show - no big deal, maybe three people saw it. The two guests included myself and a local chef. The chef was, without question, an expert at his craft, but he knew it. You know the type. A personality flaw gave him license to express opinions about everything , whether right or wrong - mostly wrong. Throughout the hour-long presentation, my attempts to answer the hosts questions, and converse, cheerfully, about writing and home planning, were constantly interrupted and … [Read more...]
Time Travel Stories in Two Sentences
These are Time Loop Stories in Two Sentences. They’re Already Written, But Maybe Not Yet, Or Maybe So. or An Uncertain Number of Self-Propagating Time Loop Stories in Two Sentences. Get it? Writing - I’m going to write a story about a time loop. I’m going to write a story about a time loop. Button, Button – I pushed the start button to begin the transformation of matter to energy, which could then be converted to quantum particles, then to sub-quantum strings, which could … [Read more...]
OUTSIDE LANE
“Get out of the pack and go around the competition.” . I once watched an Olympic event, short-track ice skating. One particular skater was the favorite. According to the TV announcers, none of the other five skaters in the race even wanted to win. Their individual ranks would rise substantially, as long as she lost to all of them. So, their unified goal, even if it meant losing themselves, was to make sure she came in dead-last. The race started. All the skaters clumped together, … [Read more...]
BLAMED IN MY OWN BACKYARD – OR – IT CAME FROM RIGHT NEXT DOOR
BLAMED IN MY OWN BACKYARD – OR – IT CAME FROM RIGHT NEXT DOOR A Story of Frustration By Andy Bozeman A while back, maybe a few weeks ago, I was in my own little corner in my own little yard with my own little family around me. We were having a cookout. Chicken and burgers were on the grill, because we will eat animals. That’s an odd point to make but it will become important. The two story house next door had been vacant for years, but a new family had moved in the day before. I hadn’t met … [Read more...]
I Don’t Know How It Is
I was just about to kiss her, when she said "write a song for me." So, this is just for Debbie Harris. I Don't Know How It Is by Andy Bozeman ©2016 first verse - freestyle, pp : In the quiet of the night, I stay awake and watch you sleep, Your hair is lying softly on my skin, And I don't know how it is, As I dream about your kiss, That I so deeply feel this love I'm in. chorus in moderate 6/8 rhythm, soft-shoe style, mf : I love you. From the moment that I saw you, my heart … [Read more...]