I feel so grown up. Today, I got my first ever extortion email. Someone is demanding thousands of dollars in bitcoin; and if I don’t pay they’ll release my entire history of online-porn-video viewing. There’s nothing I can do about it. The email is spoofed on some poor, sweet lady’s account; and she doesn’t even know about it. As for my porn viewing history: sometimes I wish I had one. I’ve never visited a porn site, on purpose that is. One time years ago, on Facebook, I clicked a link to see a compilation of home building fails – you know, people falling off ladders, or painting themselves into corners. But, it wasn’t about home building, at all. It was a twenty minute video of a bunch of really good looking, naked women having sex, going at it like it was their last act before the world’s end. I was so appalled, I only watched it eight times. I think that’s the history for which the extortionist hopes to be paid to conceal.
The thing is, I’ve lived such a choir-boy life that a little raciness might be a good thing. I was an extremely well-behaved child, and I’ve lived my entire adult life trying to get over it. This could help. So, instead of paying to hide the one porn video I saw by accident (eight times), I’m considering asking the blackmailer to, instead, connect my name to some porn star. Stormy Daniels has been in the news lately. Why not her? But with my luck, he’ll connect me to Trump, instead. Trump will deny. I’ll deny. If it won’t hurt Trump, it won’t hurt me. It’ll just be water off a turtles back.
By the way, does anyone remember that video? I want to make sure to never watch it again, and I can’t find the link.